you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
