Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I could fuck to npr.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
