And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
