My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
