I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
