don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
