Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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