I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
