but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
