why didn't you poke me back
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
