He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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