Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
