Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
