He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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