Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
