bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Randomize
