Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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