Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
