I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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