Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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