if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
