dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just puked most of my soul out..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
