he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
