When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize