Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
