Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
