Apparently you make a good broom.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
