just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
