What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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