If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
