She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
