so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
how does that bad decision feel?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
