We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
