Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
