so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
