check it out our google latitudes are spooning
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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