she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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