I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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