yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
