i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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