dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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