Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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