Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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