We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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