2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
