Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
