eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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