This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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