Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
