I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
