I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
