Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize