You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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