Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
