grandma shit on top of the toilet
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize