I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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