okay pat passed out under dana's car
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
