At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
