Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
