I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
