hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
