gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
