Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize