boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
