so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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