a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
