The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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