Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize